Jenrez

A Whole New Way of Thinking About Bi-Polar Drinking

I had a run-in with puking over the weekend. I haven't gotten to that point in well over a year.  I even had a run-in with the next morning puke. YIKES.

The first sign that I should have gone home early and/or not taken those 5 shots of Jager, had those 2 bottles of sake, those 5 beers and those 3 vanilla vodka and cokes:

Apparently, I bumped into some girl and she made a comment to me so I turned around to face her and she was gorgeous so instead of scoffing at her I said, "Aw, look at you... you're so pretty." And then I gave her a hug and told her that I loved her.  Who said looks don't get you everywhere?  They are completely full of shit.

Second sign: at the following bar, I almost got into a fight with some girl for digging through all of our belongings to find her coat. My roommate said that I was ready to throw fists.  That would have been entertaining.  I have to wonder what it would be like to watch me get into a fight.  I guess it was close, but the girl yelled back at me, "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, JUST LEAVE IT HERE?"  And of course, being the complete and utter PUSH OVER that I am, I conceded, "Oh my god, you're right.  It's like 30 below zero out there.  Let me help."

Bad Day? No, No.. Bad Week, Let's Say

• Financial Woes - Overspent Before Xmas and Stupidly Paid Down Too Much on a Credit Account This Month
• Car Accident With Racist Driver
• Stupid Boss Going Through My Shit Last Night Including My Locked Drawer
• Ensuing Cold + PMS
• Stupid Car Towed After Roommate Told Me I Could Use Her Car To Go To My Final Tomorrow Followed By Voicemail From Roommate Telling Me I Can't
• $50 Ticket On My Car This Morning For Old Registration - Totally Forgot
• More Financial Woes: Must Pay Ticket + Rental Car + Registration Fees + $500 Deductible

Thank God For Moms.

Crash Boom BANG

Jen was in a car crash last night.  She's fine.  The other driver is fine.  Everything's fine aside from the guts hanging out of the front right side of her car. At the time of the accident, Jen was told she was arrogant and would turn everything around on the other driver because she’s white and “white people do that.”  Interesting way of thinking about it.  The last time I checked public policy one without a license, without correct license plates, driving someone else’s car without insurance shouldn’t be on the road in the first place.  But, you know, that must be my race talking.

Thanks are in Order

Thanks to Dooce for my new addiction to Making Everything a Title.

Also of note: Thanks to the guy in Step 6 for not sleeping with me Saturday night. Now I only have a small number of things to regret.

Cinderelly

I wrote a letter to my “ex”-step-father last week.  For reasons beyond me, I had been thinking a lot about him recently, and after 8 years of not seeing, talking or even thinking about him I decided to pay mind to my subconscious.  It was a genuinely nice letter, focusing on the positive times of our 10 year relationship.  Although there were rough times, I generally think well of him and appreciate his presence in my childhood and wanted him to at least know that. 

The focal point of the end of his marriage to my mother was his somewhat on-going, but mostly newfound religious beliefs/lifestyle:  That Which Is To “Save” Everyone And Conquer The Rest of The World With Hallelujahs And Swaying Arms.  Knowing this, and knowing that he is aware of my non-beliefs, I decided to address the issue in the letter.  I thought if I went somewhat extreme with my statement, that he would appreciate the direct humor and leave it at that.  I don’t know when I grew into this naivety; but apparently, telling someone that believes that the only way into this place called heaven is by being “saved,” that you don’t accept Jesus Christ as your savior is a Very Very Bad Thing And Surely The Pathway To A Fiery Death.

He called as soon as he received the letter, very touched and excited to hear from me but mentioned at least three times the Jesus statement and now I have a promotion from ex-step-daughter to new Jesus-loving meat.  By the end of the conversation we talked of getting together for coffee, but I must say that the idea of being blindfolded, gagged and dragged to Bible Study Prison is not far from my mind.  Does this mean even if you don’t fear God, you have to fear those that do?

What Guy Are You?

I would like to take the time to create a short summary of The Hell that is Dating/Attempted Dating that I have recently experienced and possibly will experience in the near/far future. 

1. Go on date with "The Nice Guy," have a thoroughly boring time and pay out the ass for it.
2. Attempt to hit on "The Cute Guy With Whom I Have a Major Crush," embarrass myself and quickly get denied.
3. Make out with "The Mysterious Guy I've Noticed For Awhile But Kept Quiet About," proceed to get stood up even though he already knows he's totally in for a make out session.  Thanks for the ego boost.
4. Give up and go out with some friends for sushi.
5. Hope to holy hell that I don't make it to Step 6.
6. Sleep with "That Guy That Sleeps With Everyone" just to get laid.
7. Quickly Regret Step 6.
8. Meet "Happily Ever After Guy" and have hot steamy sex.
9. (There are statistics telling me my future will end in this:) Figure out that "Happily Ever After Guy" sucks and has become "That Asshole I Divorced."

Why can't I skip all the crap and have hot steamy sex?  Is that so wrong?

Home with the Stupid Christmas Tree

So, as I type this post, this moment as in the moments where I keep pounding the fragile keyboard, I am being stood up.  (AND, YES I STARTED MY STATEMENT WITH SO).  Nothing angers me more than having to get drunk by myself because "1 glass while I wait" has turned into 6.  Dammitalltohell, seriously.  I don't get close to people FOR THIS VERY REASON.  As if it wasn't hard enough already having this heavy weight of insecure thoughts I've built up throughout my life to carry around, this Stupid Guy had to go and prove them.  Who does that, anyway?  I don't wanna be right about Stupid Guys anymore.  I just want to have Happily Ever After Guy make me melt.  Wouldn't that be nice?  Hot steamy sex with Happily Ever After Guy.  And please, anyone reading this who HAS Happily Ever After Guy... GO HAVE SEX WITH HIM RIGHT NOW.

Thanks.

Chucky's Back

I recently purchased myself a Genuine 9.6V Battery Powered Drill (drill bit included).  This is part of the Tear the House Apart in Order to Fix it Up Program.  I unpacked my shelving, my curtain rod, my level, the stud finder and finally prepared the walls to be drilled with small exes.  I even used pen; nothing erasable necessary.  Feeding more of my empowerment, I then unpacked the Genuine 9.6V Battery Powered Drill with wide eyes and found to my dismay that there must be a piece missing.  There was no where to put the drill bit included! 

After poking and prodding at The 9.6V, I searched high and low across the apartment hoping for some piece of evidence of this thing called The Chuck that they show in the directions that totally wasn’t there.  After several minutes of pacing and cursing Chuck, I concluded that it would be best to just get drunk and forget about it and go to the hardware store the next day and exchange it.

The following morning, after I packed the drill back up and put it in my car still sulking about Chuck and where the hell did he go? And who the hell named him anyway? I went into work and told my boss all about how I got screwed over with a Chuckless Drill.  Then he showed me what a Chuck was.  DAMMIT, I was so close to my independence.